SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
they're like a gay fantastic four
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
