Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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