My sheets look like a crime scene.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
