That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
