One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
