I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
