it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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