I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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