Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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