She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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