laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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