...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
