His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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