You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
