remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
