She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just threw up on my dentist
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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