Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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