I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
