I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
