Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
