Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
