I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
