So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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