what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
