I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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