I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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