and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
