I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I AM VODKA MAN
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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