My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
