She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Send help, water and tortillas.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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