I'm laying in your front yard are you home
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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