Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
