i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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