He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
