I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i love accidental penises.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
