does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
