If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
