Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
