Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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