i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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