Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
