This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
