Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
