meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
