I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
