i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
