Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
