So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize