Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
