She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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