On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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