Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
