You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
